When I was in my early twenties, I remember asking a fifteen-year-old girl what I thought would be an easy question: “What is the opposite of jealousy?” In my own mind, I’d already answered the question: contentment, peace, perhaps even indifference. In short, I was not expecting the answer I received:
“Rejoicing.”
At the time, I did not deeply ponder the girl’s answer. I agreed, asked for her reasoning, nodded my head—tucked it away in my brain, not knowing that I would need her response at a different time.
Several years later. I was opening an email from an online literary magazine, my cell phone shaking in my hand as I anticipated what response I would receive. This was the first time in many years that I had forayed into the world of publication, and I was terrified. The stakes were even higher because I had just learned that my husband, an information science Ph.D student, had had his paper accepted into an academic journal—not an uncommon occurrence, as he has either authored or co-authored over twenty published papers.
“We are sorry, we are unable to accept your poem at this time.” At these words, I gently set my phone down on the hardwood floor. My first response was disappointment, and my second, frustration. Why does he get published and I’m still waiting? I’m trying to honor God with my writing*—doesn’t God see that?
Within the same hour, my young friend’s response replayed in my mind. “The opposite of jealousy is rejoicing.” And while the memory did not negate the disappointment I felt as I considered my own rejected writing, it reshaped my perspective on jealousy and longing. To be the opposite of jealous is to be so content in what I have, so trusting of the Lord’s provision, that I am able to praise Him for giving others that which I, myself, wish to receive.
If I am truly convinced that what the Lord has given me is His best for me, then I need not wield jealousy over His best for someone else.
The friend standing next to me in church who sings high tenor better than I do — the undergraduate classmate who completes his MFA in record time while I still feel somewhat directionless — the coworker who has a higher salary even though you accomplish similar tasks — the peer who got the job offer at your dream company while you are still hunting down a job of your own — the younger sibling whose house is bigger than yours — the family who always seems to be going on vacation to faraway lands while your family budget means you have to stick closer to home — the church member who reaches retirement earlier than you even though you feel like you’ve done twice as much work —
God is not giving us lesser gifts than He gives someone else. In fact, God is giving us exactly what He knows we need to have in order to experience Him to the fullest degree possible. If He were to give me His best for someone else, then He would be giving me less than His best for me. Period.
This does not mean we ought to discard our goals and visions for the future, but rather, that there is room for gratitude and rejoicing the whole way through. If God gives us a dream for the future, He will help us accomplish it. But while we wait, or if He says no, we can pray for His Spirit to actively replace jealousy and bitterness with rejoicing.
(Pro tip [The Spirit is the pro. I am not the pro]: Trusting God goes a long way in making the rejoicing process possible.)
So, when my husband yet again got accepted to present and publish a paper at the largest information science conference in the world, I rejoiced with him. In fact, we waited with baited breath all day to receive the email that would tell us whether or not his paper was accepted, and when we opened the email, I genuinely hoped and prayed that it would be acceptance. Later, we ate ice cream together, and I was happy. Not fake happiness, the kind I paste onto my face to shield my real emotions, but heartfelt happiness, the kind that feels light in my chest. I will keep plugging away at what God has assigned me to do, publication or not, and find joy in the work.
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*this event helped me realize that I was actually trying to honor me through my writing, too.
This reminds me of John the Baptist’s response when his disciples complain that all his followers are going to Jesus instead of him. He makes the exact same point: “I didn’t get the girl and live happily ever after, but I’m not sad about that. Instead I’m rejoicing with my friend who has been given that life.”
I’ve never thought much about it, but whenever our lives seem to be somewhat “meh,” God is probably nudging us to go join in and celebrate our friends’ successes! If we can't find joy in our own lives, we can look for it by loving others (especially brothers and sisters in Christ) and rejoicing with them. Beautiful!
John 3:29—”It is the bridegroom who marries the bride, and the bridegroom’s friend is simply glad to stand with him and hear his vows. Therefore, I am filled with joy at his success.”
This is so encouraging! Your story sounds like a big moment for you, especially as a writer. And I feel like you’ve touched on the blueprints of truly being able to rejoice with those who rejoice, often it’s not easy, it’s pretty personal.
I’ve been in my own season of watching other people get their wins only to personally get set back after set back. Words like this help me keep my chin up and that God hasn’t forgotten us.
Thanks for sharing!